If loving Shadam (Sharon Case and Michael Muhney) is wrong, The Young and the Restless fans (including this one) don't wanna be right! The inappropriate-yet-red hot pairing getting sleazy in the Big Easy helped Y&R go up 115,000 total viewers the week of Nov. 29–Dec. 3, 2010 (Source: Soap Operas Network). Y&R was up total viewers year-to-date by 227,000! The sudser also went up one-tenth of a point in households and among women 18-49. READ MORE

Boy oh boy is All My Children continuing to prove ABC Daytime bet on the wrong horse when they decided to move it out West instead of One Life to Live. AMC was the only soap to lose total viewers the week of Nov. 8-12, 2010.  (Source: Soap Opera Network).

The Julie Hanan Caruthers-helmed sudser was also the only soap to fall in households, dropping one-tenth of a ratings point. AMC was dead last in all the major demos.  READ MORE

Okay folks here are the Nielsen ratings, courtesy of the good folks over at Soap Opera Network. Won't be much ranting and raving this time as I am trying to get ready to cover an event for the BET Hip Hop Awards tonight for our baby sister site Pop Confidential.com. Don't worry, you know I'll have plenty of vodka-soaked opinions about the ratings on the next DC podcast!

Okay, let's start off with the good news, cause let me tell you there was a whoooole lotta bad the week of Sept. 20–24, 2010!  CBS Daytime's The Young and the Restless went up 5,000 total viewers, and held steady in major demos. Yep, that's it for the good news. Y&R's sibling, The Bold and the Beautiful, dropped 142,000 total viewers and alsp fell one-tenth of a ratings point in households and among women 18–49.  Before I move on from The Bertha Jean's Costume Jewelry Tiffany Network, mad props to As The World Turns which KILLED during it's last two ratings cycles. Let's see CBS ever find a vehicle that will have as many devoted consumers watching from generation to generation, during the daytime, as a soap opera! READ MORE

It was a horrendous week for daytime soaps ratings-wise (Source: Soap Opera Network), One Life to Live hit a new low as fans tuned out in droves, following the shoddy, fear-based exit of groundbreaking supercouple Kyle (Brett Claywell) and Fish (Scott Evans). OLTL lost 227,000 total viewers, hitting the soap opera's all-time low rating. OLTL was also down year-to-date 310,000 not-so-mainstream viewers, and was dead last among total viewers.
 
The soap I used to race home to watch first every day, but now  can go days on end without even being bothered to look at, also dropped one-tenth of a ratings point in households, tying it's record low in that demo. Among women 18-49, OLTL went down a crushing two-tenths of a point, tying their low in that demo as well. Looks like the Kish fans have spoken.
  READ MORE

(Jamey takes a deep breath). It looks like modern day soap fans actually do want plot driven cartoonery from their daytime sudsers (source: Soap Opera Network) and angry bloggers like me need to start trying to analyze something we actually understand— like Calculus. The only problem with that is I made D's in math in high school— unless I had someone to cheat off of— which is why Luke Kerr worries about phrases like "search engine optimizylophone" for DC and I worry about missing my meds in order to stay "sassy" enough to keep writing about this tired industry (save for DAYS and GH, more on those soaptastic gems later).

This week I am writing from my swank room at the Funny Farm for Fashionable Blondes, frequented by the likes of Y&R's Sharon Newman (Sharon Case) and Ashley Abbott (Eileen Davidson), who go bat poop cuckoo whenever they have sex, or read Restless Style. Oh...you're wondering how I got to go to a nuthouse for blondes? Well silly rabbits, Patty died my hair in the hospital, just before she took over my life, and forgot to pay my taxes on time (psychotic, irresponsible, procrastinating bitch). Do you like? Snort, oh wait, as if you can see my hair from inside your 'puter screens! I so silly! I pop, just like Yvonne Zima. 

Anyway, I made such bad grades in math, because I was busy reading Soap Opera Weekly under my notebook, and/or The Babysitters' Club. If, after all this time, I am truly, truly—truly, truly, truly outrageous! Focus Jamey, you filthy sonofabitch! (slaps myself before writing "I Hate Cheese, Okay I Really Don't, But I'm Lactose Intolerant, So It Hates Me" on a mirror, in my room, in red lipstick— unable to pinpoint what soap fans want (which Y&R's ratings this week clearly proves) then whatever am I to do with myself?
 
I guess there's always that raunchy adult Babystitters Meets Lucky Chances  sequel I wanted to write, that sees Kristy Thomas running a nanny agency that is really a front for high class hookers. Note to self: Send Scholastic a pitch...
 
"Who am I? Where am I? What have you done with my babies? I heard them cry? I'm horny! No, I'm empowered! I'm horny and empowered! Does that mean I'm onery? I don't know. Did my twin take my babies and put them on the black market, or on the back of my Uncle-Daddy's prize, show Palomino, where they galloped off to a frozen pond and drowned? Not the babies you morbid bastards, the horse and Uncle-Daddy! Did Angelina adopt one? Did Kate Gosselin think they were two more of hers?"
 
                                                            — Sharon Valene Newman-Ewing-Barnes-Agretti-Ortega-Fairgate, Knots Crestless. READ MORE

It's been a few weeks since I've done my Ratings, Rants and Raves column, because my fabulous trip to NYC put me behind on my soap watching, and while I am still catching up on my ABC soap viewing and DAYS (I chose to watch the Bell soaps first—big mistake, huge.), I can give you the ratings (courtesy of Soap Opera Network) if not so so much ranting or raving about ABC and NBC this time. Don't worry, I'll be back to normal next week!

So without further poo poo, One Life to Live proved to be the biggest ratings winner for the week of March 29-April 2, 2010. OLTL went up 67,000 total viewers and inched up one-tenth of a ratings point in households and among women 18-49. WATCH...eh, watch what you want. I won't use this platform to support or promote caving to bigots in any form or fashion, even if a million viewers tune back in. Next thing you know, "mainstream America" will be going after Jesse and Angie. READ MORE