BREAKING NEWS: Sesame Street SLASHES Budget! Is Big Bird OUT? Will The Count go on Recurring?
We just got wind of SHOCKING developments on the set of one of television's longest running daytime programs—Sesame Street. According to the Atlanta-Journal Constitution, Sesame Street is SLASHING 20 percent of it's workforce. Could PBS pull a Ken Corday and FIRE his Biggest Bird?
Daytime Confidential spoke today with some of Sesame Street's veteran residents. Due to fear of blacklisting—you know how petty certain muppets can be—we promised to keep their identities a secret:
"This is an abso-vute vagedy. I vave veen velping vildren vearn to vount vor vover vee vecades! Vow vey vant to voot ve vout?" said one incensed SS vet, before asking what my blood type was.
"Well, I guess I shouldn't complain, since I really don't exist, right?" reasoned another long-term star. "I mean, I'm only a figment of the main character's imagination, so it was really a good gig for an imaginary elephant if you think about it? Doh! Can you take out that part about my being an elephant? If that diva bitch Big Bird finds out I talked he will write me out of all his scenes next week!"
"This makes me so cross!" griped another Sesame Street star. "I'm the biggest draw on this show. Did you see the numbers before I started? They were in the toilet! More people watched that Mr. Rogers hack before I joined this *&^%$# show! I put Sesame Street on the map, but do I get my own dressing room like that %$^%) bird? No! They make me change in a trash can! The least they could do is let me change in the backseat of a car like the cast of Guiding Light! Why do birds get special privileges on this show? When are monsters gonna get our due? This is outrageous, and another thing, if they wanna make cuts, why not get rid of the newbies? I was a star on this show long before Rosie O'Donnell tickled that screen hog Elmo!"
"Will the cuts mean no more cookies at the Craft Services table?" wondered another vet.
"What my partner and I would like to talk to Daytime Confidential about is all this nonsense about All My Children's Rianca being daytime's first same-sex union," said another Sesame Street star. "My husband and I got married last June in California, but we have been living together as muppet and spouse for decades!'
DC made numerous attempts to get an interview with Sesame Street superstar, Big Bird, but were told he planned to give his exclusive take on the situation to Muppets Opera Weekly or Muppets Opera Digest. Sigh, doesn't he realize the mags always give the cover to Kermit and Ms. Piggy? Oh well, Old Media wins again!