To Shag or Not to Shag

The Curious Case of Luke Snyder

So, Luke decided to run for election at Oakdale U. and got so caught up in winning the thing and getting back at borderline homophobe Kevin that he and Casey cheated. Now Luke is skulking about like a petulant child around his parents and is pissed that his boyfriend Noah snitched to the po po. Now he's drinkin'.

Clearly, Luke needs some dick.

Yes, I said it. Noah needs to lay that pipe on Luke like the police on Rodney King after a freeway chase on the 405 because nobody is apparently stuffing Luke's ballot box and it's making him a very cranky gay.

Seriously, how else to explain this bizarre behavior other than a brain tumor or a case of DID or maybe even rickets. Luke is frustrated. Luke is mad. Luke is acting out. Luke needs to take a ride on Noah's Twilt-a-Whirl at least once. What else could it be?

None of this stuff should be surprising, of course. We've all seen this coming (well, Luke hasn't) for many months. Luke has increasingly asserted his primary identity as a gay man over every other aspect of his personality much to Noah's increasing chagrin. When he decided to run for college office, Luke made a statement about being Lucinda Walsh's grandson which clearly implied that he was willing to emulate her take no prisoners, ends justify the means style. So it made perfect sense for him to want to stuff the ballot box to win the election.

I get it. This is about Luke fighting back with mixed up feelings about Kevin and the humiliation of the internet video and the slurs and not wanting to be a victim and empowering himself, but Luke didn't think the election fiasco through, nor was he prepared for the backlash or the blowback. Now suspended from school, having disappointed his highly imperfect parents and after inadvertently getting Casey expelled, Luke is feeling low. Well, I know what will lift him up a little bit and it's not the kind of thing where he'd smack himself in the forehead and exclaim, "Wow, I should have had a V-8!"

The lack of some good shagging between Luke & Noah is the 800 lb gorilla in the room....a gorilla that has more likelihood of getting some despite its gargantuan size than two normal, red-blooded, healthy young gay men in their early 20's in Oakdale.

There can't be a lack of spaces: the Snyder barn, the Snyder pond/ocean/trade canal/shipping lane, the hotel Lily owns, the television station that Lily co-owns with Kim, the entire office building that Big Lucy owns, Big Lucy's boathouse, Paul's living room couch when he and Meg aren't screwing on it, even Emily's office since she and Casey stopped getting splinters from banging on her desk every three hours. Talk about "The Intruder"!

I'm not saying that sex alone would cure Luke of his issues; far from it, but after all this time the idea of Luke & Noah not screwing is out of control because, seriously now, it is becoming harder and harder (not for Luke and Noah, obviously) to take their fights and disagreements and rifts as serious threats to their non-consumated relationship.

I get why Noah is disappointed in Luke and, less sympathetically, why Luke is upset with Noah. There are principles at stake and respect on the line, but it is increasingly hard (not for Luke & Noah, obviously) to care about what Luke & Noah are fighting about when I'm no longer certain what they are fighting for.

They can't be fighting because they "want to be together" because from my vantage point Luke and Noah already are together. They have declared their undying love for each other, so the whole issue of "waiting until the right moment" is ludicrous given that they can't be saving themselves for marriage in the state of Illinois. Hell, Illinois doesn't even have civil unions given the Illinois Religious Freedom Protection and Civil Unions Act, introduced to the House of Representatives in early 2007 by State Rep. Greg Harris, is only going before the Illinois legislature this month. So they aren't hoarding condoms for that blessed event either. Luke & Noah are accepted in their community, not particularly harassed at work or school on a day to day basis, and are able to live their lives as a couple. Damn, Noah is slated to curate a gay film festival, so it ain't like he's scared at this point!

The act of sex itself isn't the issue. What is at issues is that for young gay men in committed relationships who do not live in the few states where marriage or civil unions are available to them, sex can be a symbolic and personal bond between them as a couple, establishing the intimacy of their love not unlike their heterosexual counterparts who have the benefit of rings, certificates, and legal standing to back them up.

So why should I care about Luke & Noah ongoing battles when they haven't been allowed to take the next step toward a fully committed relationship? it is a question that bugs me more and more with each new crisis they face as a couple. This brings us to....(continued)